Following the revelation that some 291 incidents had been recorded of items left in bodies after surgery in the NHS, FNN has learned that it is not just scalpels and swabs that are left behind.

FNN can reveal that other objects include:

• a mobile phone still playing a FPS game
• a pair of noise cancelling headphones
• a set of Oculus virtual reality goggles
• a party hat
• a microwave containing an uncooked bacon roll

An NHS spokesperson told FNN:

As soon as we get more funding from the Government, we will gradually introduce body scanners to the exits of operating theatres in hospitals around the country. A bit like those scanners for weapons used by US schools.

This way, no surgeon will ever forget about their bacon roll again.

Eminent Australian cardiologist Bill "CABG" Heslop commented:

I never left anything in my patients. But I did forget to put a heart back once.

That is until someone found it jumping around the floor like a demented haggis.

Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.