FNN can reveal that the plans to charge VAT on private school fees are rumoured to be the first step in a new scheme to earn more from education in the UK by introducing a new 'pupil premium' VAT tax in state schools.

A spokesperson explained:

Since private schools seem to manage to get great educational results and we aim to charge VAT on their fees, it's only right that underperforming state schools should be subject to a new pupil premium VAT tax.

Under the proposed new rules, every pupil will be subject to 20% VAT on the cost of their state education, except those receiving free school meals.

The proceeds from the new tax will be combined with those from cancelling the winter fuel payment to pensioners and used to fund sending more weapons to the Ukraine so more Ukrainians and Russians can be killed.

Then wars will no longer be won only on the paying fields of Eton but also by the VAT contribution from the state school sector. Bonus!