Following a European summit in London to discuss peace in Ukraine, the UK PM appeared outside 10 Downing Street waving a piece of paper representing the peace agreement in which the main provision is to supply Ukraine with 5000 more missiles.
A spokesperson told FNN:
There will be peace in our time! Rejoice at this news!
FNN has analysed the piece of paper from video of the event and established that it is in fact a paper napkin from Greggs on which the following talking points were noted:
- supply more weapons
- kill more Russians
- prolong the war
- punish Putin
- screw Trump
Barista Britain breathed a sigh of relief as delivery drivers tucked into their breakfast lattes (skinny, with a vanilla shot) and bacon rolls (with HP sauce), safe in the knowledge that this British-brokered peace would only mean more Ukrainian and Russian deaths.
Bonus!