We all know that Meghan will not attend the coronation due to a conflict with a bouncy castle play-date in Montecito but Wills and Kate?

Rumour has it that the couple have decided to go to the pub instead and watch the whole thing on a big-screen TV with a plate of sausage and mash for Wills, a basket of scampi and chips for Kate and McDonalds' Happy Meals for the kids.

A royal spokesperson told FNN:

The prospect that the whole thing might be cancelled due to security concerns or rain and having to meet all those dreary people who have queued for weeks in the Mall finally put the knockers on them going.

Instead, they are expected to go to a pub affectionately known as 'The Spare Arms' by regulars or to one of many 'The Royal Oak' pubs around the country or even to the strangely named freehouse 'The Regicide' but we are keeping the exact location secret.

Australian royalist Bill "Crocodile Dundee" Heslop complained:

I never got an invite so they can bloody well stuff it, the pommie ponces! Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie, I'm parched.