Today, Swedish sources claim that the investigation into the sabotage of the Nordstream 2 pipeline is being closed.

A foxy Swedish spokesperson explained:

We have been unable to find any evidence that Russia blew up its own pipeline so naturally the investigation has been closed as we are now not interested in who did it. Unless of course it was China.

After all, now we are joining NATO it could have been one of our fellow members of the defensive alliance that actually perpetrated this crime and we don't want to upset anyone just when we are joining the club.

She was then joined by Inspector Wallander who commented:

Hopefully someone will blow up that bridge to Crimea soon so we can blame that on Russia.