A consortium of the leading online porn channels announced that they are rebranding their offering as "Intimacy Coaching".

Intimacy Coaching will be delivered by Intimacy Coaches, either alone or in pairs, via their own personal webcam channel.

Every Intimacy Coach will be specially trained in a variety of intimacy techniques and in how to manage the long-term consequences of regular intimacy sessions.

Clients will be able to subscribe to one or more coaching channels and read reviews of the efficacy of individual Intimacy Coaches just like on Amazon or TripAdvisor.

A spokesperson for the consortium told FNN:

We think Intimacy Coaching truly describes the purpose of what we used to call porn. It's actually a form of online learning that we will lobbying to get onto the school curriculum to improve what is quaintly called "sex education".

We run a very diverse and inclusive business. Anyone can become an Intimacy Coach: Male, Female or LGBT, black or white, fat or thin. All you need to start is a laptop with a webcam.

We want Intimacy Coaching to become like TripAdvisor so you can locate an Intimacy Coaching experience in your area in an easy and transparent manner.

A spokesperson for the Department of Education commented:

Sex education in schools today simply does not reflect the reality of kids accessing porn on their phones on a daily basis.

So beaming Intimacy Coaches into schools will change all that and enable students and staff to build a lasting relationship with their Intimacy Coach through in-app subscriptions, purchasing coach-recommended sex-toys and so forth.