The latest festive Christmas movie to join the likes of Elf Off, Leave Me Alone Santa Paws and the porn classic You've Got A Wonderful Wife! is the new Dumblebore Production of:

Home Alone: Frozen

Instead of a child left at home alone for the holidays by his family, the story revolves around a UK pensioner who receives no christmas cards due to the postal strike, can't visit his relatives due to a rail strike, and is literally unable to get out of bed as his heating is switched off to help reduce carbon emissions and save the planet from climate change.

Spoiler Alert! The feelgood ending is that before he is about to freeze to death he manages calls 111 to come to his rescue (the movie cuts out the actual message from 111 which says: You are number 7689 in the queue. Please continue to hold. You can expect an answer in 2027.)

Luckily, he figures out how to download the NHS app to snap the QR code needed to prove that he is in a 'near-death' condition in order to qualify to get an ambulance called out from a reserve fleet located at a disused WW2 RAF station somewhere in East Anglia.

Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief as paramedics drafted in from the Army Catering Corps arrive to take him to the nearest NHS hospital for a 36 hour wait - admittedly on a comfortable gurney in a heated corridor - before he can block a bed for months as no care package is available to look after him in his home due to a lack of local funding.

Welcome to 'Great' Britain as all the posters are keen to tell you at Gatwick airport arrivals...