Following Dr Jenny Bulstrode's claim that enslaved black metalworkers invented an iron-rolling process at a foundry in Jamaica - an invention subsequently 'stolen' and patented in the UK by Henry Cort - FNN has learned that other sensational revelations may be published in serious peer-reviewed academic journals including:

• Newton's theory of gravity was actually realized by a black slave when a banana fell on his head while taking a break on a plantation in Barbados.
  
  
• The pogo stick was invented by an Australian aborigine as a result of a lifetime of watching kangaroos hopping around the outback.
  
  
• The original Harry Potter book was actually written by a trans-black student at Edinburgh University who dumped it in a skip after they couldn't find a publisher. J K Rowling discovered the manuscript while binning a coffee cup from her local cafe and managed to translate it from Kwanza into English.

Mr Oliver Jelf was unavailable for comment but stated for the record:

There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that the origins of Henry Cort's iron rolling process had anything to do with John Reeder's foundry, nor with any of the people who worked there.