Today (11 July, 2021) is the launch day for the first manned Virgin Galactic space mission with billionaire Richard Branson on-board.

He's come some way since Tubular Bells and selling discounted LPs by mail order hasn't he?

The launch will take place from Necker Island which is reportedly somewhere close to the secret location of Tracey Island - the home of International Rescue and the Thunderbirds who are on standby in case anything goes wrong.

Elon Musk has sent his support in the knowledge that Branson's space-plane will never get anywhere near Mars. However, rival space-race billionaire, Jeff Bezos, who is aiming to create the first Amazon Returns centre in orbit, has claimed Branson's launch vehicle is not a true space craft. 

This may be true since FNN has learned that the Virgin Galactic space-plane will be fired into space sling-shot style using the world's longest and thickest elastic band comprised of specially bonded layers of condom rubber.

The G-force on launch is so great that all the passengers will pass out and by the time they come to they will be in orbit and ready to tuck into a gourmet meal of Galatic Goulash, sponsored by Waitrose and specially prepared by Heston Blumenthal, washed down with Mateus Rose.

Branson is expected to send the first text message from space via his Virgin mobile network. This will be made affordable since his roaming charges have been specially switched off so he can send his message without incurring an astronomic message charge.