In order to avoid draconian quarantine restrictions some regular travellers trying to get home to the UK from Europe are clubbing together to hire a boat to take them from France to the UK, safe in the knowledge that they will be escorted first by the French Navy and then by the UK Border Force or even the RNLI to ensure they make it safely across the channel.

Once onshore in the UK they then leg it to their relatives who are waiting for them in the beach car park and make their way home. The UK Border Force and RNLI are so busy with other migrants streaming across the channel that they have not got the time to go after regular travellers working around the Covid rules.

One of these travellers told FNN:

It's cheaper for a couple of families to hire a bona-fide zodiac to take them across the channel than to quarantine in a government approved hotel and take all the expensive PCR tests. You even get a free blanket, snack and a bottle of water when you arrive. Result!

Bill "Battler" Heslop, an expert on Australian migration policies commented:

Listen cobber...There's an easy way to handle the UK migrant crisis.

Hire the Chinese to build an island in the middle of the channel complete with a giant Travelodge on it and a Eurotunnel train stop, then take all the migrants there for processing by rail. No more people smuggling via criminal gangs and no need to house them on the mainland UK. Job done!

It would probably cost you Poms less than you are paying to France to manage migration now.  

Hey Muriel. Fetch me a tinny. I'm parched!