Leading toy manufacturers are abandoning gender stereotyped dools such as Barbie, Action Man, Tommy Gunn and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by replacing them with a new Trans Dolly that looks a bit like the androgynous Mr. Newton from The Man Who Fell to Earth.
According to our sources, these Trans Dollies are likely to come with a comprehensive accessory kit, including:
- snap-on tits and tackle
- slot-in pudenda with optional merkins
- stick-on chest and butt hair
- a range of spiky, short-haired dolly wigs in assorted colors
- a page of tattoo transfers for easy application to any body part
- a box of mini-studs
The Trans Dollies must be accompanied by an educational "sex-change" booklet to help inform children about the positives of "converting" before they reach puberty. There are also rumours that some dolls will also include a discount coupon in the box for a conversion therapy session from the social engineers at the Tavistock Institute.
Parents will not be allowed to attend these confidential sessions since it is none of their business what their child does.
A spokesperson for Candy Clark gave us this statement:
That David Bowie was weird man. Always watching TV and drinking nothing but water. And they covered him in gloop to make him look all sticky. Gross! And Rip Torn. Give me a break. His dick didn't look anything like my father's. Those girls were right.