Scotland received a record £9.4bn in North Sea revenues last year, that is revenue from the extraction and sale of fossil fuels.

This has led to many to question whether what is proving to be the 'problematic' Edinburgh Festival can run in the future and to call for the 'cancellation' of Scotland itself, as the whole country clearly benefits from profits from fossil fuels.

A spokesperson for Swedish Lutheran Minister Greta Thunderberg told FNN:

We originally cancelled our sermon at the Edinburgh Book Festival because all it does in Scotland is rain and this does not conform with the UN's definition of 'global boiling', which we support given that the science is 'settled'.

But now we know about these North Sea oil revenues, there is no way we can ever go back to Scotland as Just Stop Oil would glue us to some grim grey tower block and we would never get home to Sweden.

A Scottish government spokesperson commented:

We are doing our best to reduce our reliance on North Sea oil revenues by ramping up our efforts to find more export markets for haggis, Irn-Bru and macaroon bars.

For example, we have recently concluded a deal with a tribe in Northern Borneo who agreed to take a Scottish 'Tartan Taster Pack', in exchange for some shrunken heads that go well with a good Chianti and some fava beans.

J K Rowling and Graham Linehan were not available for comment.