Following UK travelers to the Netherlands being stopped for bringing ham sandwiches with them for lunch, the EU has announced that Brits will also be forbidden from using public toilets in the EU.

The rationale for the ban is that British food and drink does not meet EU standards and therefore should also not enter the EU sewage systems.

Public toilets in the EU will be fitted with passport swipers so that all users can be checked before entry and holders of British passports denied entry.

We went to a public toilet in Amsterdam, one of the first with the new swipers, where a local trader operating outside told us:

Now that they are turning away "tommies" who need to take a piss, I'm doing a roaring trade in she-wees, chamber pots and those bags you put dog poo in. I've also installed a coin-operated garbage bin for disposals. We call it the Poo Fairy.

Anyway I'm making a fortune! Another unexpected benefit of Brexit!

EU spokesperson Ursula von Richthofen told FNN:

We warned the UK before Brexit that our border controls would not accept entry of their pork pies, marmite sandwiches, roly-polys and spotted dicks.

So now Brexit is really hitting British tourists where it hurts.

Of course we will accept the entry of hot dogs, croque monsieurs, currywurst and other Eurotrash, so long as they contain our own EU junk food. Vorsprung Durch Teknik!