Amid warnings that GCSE exam results could be lower this year compared to the previous year when exam grades were awarded by teachers, the Government has surprised students by awarding every student with a GCSE in a subject the student did not take.

Humanities-focused students were surprised to get grade A results in Nuclear Physics while science-focused students benefited from grade A results in Religious Studies. A spokesperson for the Department of Innovation and Skills told FNN:

We thought it would boost student morale to get a freebie GCSE in a subject that they would never have taken in their wildest dreams. The freebies also count towards your university application so even more students will qualify for top schools.

Also this is another way to promote diversity and equality in education as otherwise all those clever dicks will get the best grades and go to the best schools and we don't want that now do we.

Former headmaster Bill 'Battler' Heslop commented:

They should just award GCSEs based on a national lottery so everyone who wins has the same grades. Then no-one can complain about lowering standards and all that bollocks. Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinny. I'm parched!