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Following the news that the US defense secretary has said that NATO needs to prepare for 'protracted wars', it is clear that now is the time to buy defence stocks in anticipation of decades of windfall profits to come.

A spokesperson explained:

Here at the NATO summit we have already identified many other potential wars that our defensive alliance wishes to start - all over the world and not just in Europe and the middle East.

Our respective country MICs must now gear up to create 'arsenals of democracy' so that we can foment many more regime changes to get rid of people we don't like, destabilise states and cause chaos.

EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen told FNN:

Since we hollowed out all of our manufacturing in favor of offshoring it to China and someone (hehe) blew up the Nordstream pipeline, we will be working with the Chinese to ensure we have an adequate supply of weapons and with the Russians to ensure we have adequate supplies of fuel to power all our military equipment in the field as it's difficult to provide solar or wind power in a trench without it being spotted by loitering drones.

Vorsprung Durch Teknik!