President Zelensky of the Ukraine has made the extraordinary claim that Russia is actually a province of the Ukraine and should be returned immediately. A bit like the Elgin marbles.

The Kremlin is scrambling to understand what the consequences of such a claim could be but FNN has some suggestions:

• hundreds of millions of Russian speakers will be added to the Ukraine all of whom would be banned from speaking Russian
• Russia could apply to join NATO since it is a de-facto part of Ukraine - ending the current crisis at a stroke
• Ukraine's conscription problems would be solved at a stroke by putting all Russian armed forces at Zelensky's disposal
• Ukrainian relations with China, North Korea and Iran would improve overnight
• Zelensky could run against Putin in the 2024 Russian election - an election he is bound to win as Putin is sooo unpopular in Russia

The USA is not supporting Zelensky's claim and instead is thought to be preparing a counter-claim that Russia, and the rest of the world, in fact belongs to them so all other claims to the contrary are null and void and in violation of the Monroe doctrine.