Bill and Ben the Flowerpot men - aka Tony Blair and William Hague, a pair of past their sell-by date UK politicians - have come up with new ways to make the NHS service more effective:

• sell NHS medical records without permission and without paying the data owners who are known as 'little weeds'
• refer all NHS enquiries to ChatGPT for advice to 'disintermediate' the 111 service and save a fortune

One of their most innovative suggestions is to allow patients to book appointments online so that doctors and busy surgery receptionists do not have to waste time telling all these annoying patients that there are no appointment slots available and to call back in 3 weeks.

The childrens' TV stars claim that providing access to patients NHS records will enable AI bots to further control everyone and muck-about with their health and to facilitate this, the flower pot men recommend we all invest in Internet-of-Things (IoT) wearables that monitor our every movement - literally.

All 'events' generated by IoT healthware can then be provided in real-time to Apple, Amazon, Facebook and Google so they can target eveyone with more appropriate advertsing for stuff they don't need whenever we login to any online application.

Andy Pandy was unavailable for comment but did tell FNN that it's time for these two to go home and be put to bed.