Following the arrest of Telegram founder and clearly devious Russian, Pavel Durov, French authorities are mulling the arrests of many other technocrats in a Stalin-style crackdown on free speech.

A spokesperson explained:

Durov has been accused of abetting fraud, drug trafficking, cyberbullying, organised crime, child pornography and the promotion of terrorism via his Telegram app.

Therefore we are considering issuing arrest warrants for various other people including:

• The heads of the major French ISPs: Orange, free, SFR and Bouygues for transporting this filth
• Sir Tim Berners-Lee inventor of the World Wide Web for connecting criminals across the globe
• Musk (X), Marlinspike (Signal), Zuckerberg (Whatsapp and Instagram)

Australian social network founder Bill "Boomerang" Heslop told FNN:

I thought that's what social networks were for?

Otherwise they are just about boring other people with your blah-blah opinions, a stream of mundane details of your tedious life and photos of your pristine toilet bowl.

Hey Muriel! fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.