The UK Government has announced that based on the emerging science of lockdown fatigue, now the subject of a new masters degree at Imperial College London, all lockdown tiers will be abandoned and lockdown simply made permanent.

This simple move means that the fatigue of going in and out of lockdown will be removed at a stroke so as Harold Macmillan rightly said: We never had it so good.

The escalating costs of furloughing millions of workers will also be eliminated as everyone will be furloughed and so according to the Chancellor, the new move will cost nothing.

All airlines and ferry companies will have gone bust so there will be nothing to travel on, and as the EU and the rest of the world has banned all British tourists, nowhere to travel to. 

The lines of lorries at Dover will disappear as there will be no freedom of movement within, in or out of the country. There will also be no need to test or vaccinate anyone as no-one will come into contact with anyone else until we all die from boredom or from being grocery delivery drivers.