Supermarkets in the UK are being forced to ration salad vegetables to prevent the dreaded 'empty shelves' reappearing in the UK not long after the shortage of toilet paper prompted by panic buying during the COVID pandemic.

Sky News reported on the scarcity of veggies:

The problem was compounded by poor weather impacting sea crossings from Morocco to Spain. Fruit and vegetables from Morocco make two sea crossings: across the straits of Gibraltar and the channel in a journey that takes four to six days.

The second hit in the fruit and vegetable journey came from strikes by Border Force workers and Calais port workers last week.

This has prompted a leading Albanian people smuggler to offer help to the UK given that he has no difficulty whatsoever getting illegal immigrants across both the Straits of Gibralter and the channel in his 'Tirania Specials'.

He has promised that he can get fruit and vegetables to the UK in less than three days in exchange for an amnesty from the UK Border Force for all participants in his people smuggling operations and a lifetime supply of Norman Wisdom DVDs.

The Home Secretary was unavailable for comment.

EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen, fresh from taking tea with King Charles, commented (after quite an impressive belch):

If it wasn't for Brexit, the UK could have all the salad vegetables it wanted. We have enormous tomato and cucumber mountains located in the Ardennes forest that are costing us a fortune to keep cool now that we have no Russian gas. Vorsprung durch Teknik!