There has been widespread outrage that the humble balaclava, invented to keep troops warm in the Crimean War, is to be banned from hospitals and schools on the basis that it helps to conceal the identity of the wearer as opposed to its real function, which is to keep terrorists warm.

Apparently, wearing a balaclava to conceal your identity is a human right under some UN directive or other that protects peaceful protestors from being identified when throwing molotov cocktails and concrete slabs.

But now it will no longer be legal to attend a police line-up wearing a balaclava, give evidence in court when no-one is sure of your identity, administer injections while pretending to be a doctor or when delivering lessons on identity politics to kindergarden children.

This new directive could mean a decline in the balaclava business which has enjoyed a resurgence during the global war on terror and the introduction of innovative new variants including the vertical nose slit and one-mouth-hole gimp versions.

An anonymous source from the CIA commented:

This may surprise you, but here at the agency we like this new directive to ban balaclavas. After all, how can we be sure that we are drone-striking the right people if they are all wearing balaclavas? Now there should be less collateral damage at future Afghan weddings and MSF hospitals as we will have a better idea who we are targeting before they are blown to pieces by an operative, while eating a cheeseburger and fries in Kansas.