FNN has learned that UK universities are set to cancel the Viking Sagas and other examples of classic medieval literature because they were written by dead, white men -  mostly in Iceland of all places - and reflect the colonial oppression of indigenous peoples.

A Yesteryear University Curriculum Council (YUCC) spokesperson told FNN:

The Viking Sagas have nothing whatever to say to us in modern Britian and anyway they won't help you get a job, which is the only reason to go to university in the first place.

Most of the Sagas are simply pulp fiction: Lurid tales about white oppressors - almost certainly right wingers since they are all armed and covered in tattoos - attacking, enslaving and killing indigenous peoples in Europe, Russia, North America and elsewhere.

I mean, take the saga of Erik the Red about the Norse colonisation of North America and its use of the hateful, racist term "skraelings" to describe the peaceful indigenous people they encountered around their settlements.

Imagine how you would feel if you were illiterate and didn't understand Norse and someone called you a "skraeling"? Doesn't feel good does it?

Then there are the simplistic crime dramas like Gisla Saga, that can tell us nothing about the motivations for and consequences of murder in a close knit society. I ask you. What can this saga tell us that the movie Jar City and modern-day Icelandic Scandi-Noir TV dramas can't?  

A spokesperson for the Jane Austen Society also commented:

We are disbanding our society since we now know that all Jane Austen's works are simply potboilers about women desperate to get married to older, richer men or living in the oppressive shadow of the "man" i.e. weathy white males wearing deliciously tight breeches over their bulging cod-pieces like that Mr Twice Nightly. 

No modern woman could possibly learn anything from this sexist tripe. It's totally Clueless.

Cher, from Clueless, was unable to comment on that last reference as she is currently cruising the crimson wave.