The US president has assured the depositors in the Silicon Valley Bank (SVB) that they will get their money back, despite the bank failing.

FNN has learned how this will be done:

1. All SVB branches will remain open

2. Mechanical money-printing machines will be installed in branches by the Federal Reserve

3. Depositors will receive their freshly printed money on production of suitable identification

A spokesperson for the SVB bank told FNN:

We were only following the famous Silicon Valley mantra: Fail fast, fail often!

What most people don't realize is that all this 'failing' is based losing other people's money and not your own. Oh and only fail after any bonuses have been paid to the top execs and VCs.

Anyway, as everyone surely understands, this bank failure was nothing to with cronic mismanagement but is in fact is the fault of former President Trump, Brexit and Russian hackers.

We applaud the Fed for realising that the easiest way to blow this crisis off the front pages is just to print the money to put it back into circulation.

It will only be a few more billions on the US national debt so who cares?