Following a stunning win in the 2024 US election, President-elect Trump will start his second term 'unburdened by what has been'.
Harris will return to stand-up comedy on Saturday Night Live, Biden will begin a thorough investigation of the US care system and Blinken will go back to writing fiction about blowing up oil pipelines.
The Obamas have cancelled the publication of their new book Becoming II as the sequel just doesn't seem timely anymore.
The movie, starring a bunch of tearful Hollywood has-beens, has also been cancelled.
They are now considering scripting a different movie: Chukky: Revenge of the Orangeman!
Starring Steve Bannon and the Hunter Biden laptop with incriminating emails narrated by Siri.
McDonalds will launch a new sandwich called the Trump Burger with Levi Roots Reggae-Reggae sauce squeezed between two beef patties.
Harris is reportedly mulling titles for her blockbuster political memoirs to be published by consignment.com:
- I Was a Chuckle Brother
- Eeeh! I've 'ad some laffs!
- The Tearful End of the Joy Division
- Pelosi Ate my Panties!
- Becoming a Footnote in History
- If Only I Put Another Brick in the Wall
- Wassup Homes! How to Lose the Ethnic Vote.
- I was Abducted by a Laptop
- Why Can't Anyone Shoot Straight Anymore?
- 100 Word Salads for Healthy Conversations
- Genocide: Is it the new Black?
- I have a dream! Or was it a nightmare?
- Unburdened by Votes