The conspiracy theory of 'climate lockdowns' predicted by, of all people, The Guardian, is to become a reality in Oxford where residents will suffer time restrictions on their use of their own cars within specific local 'lockdown areas'. All movements will be monitored by even more CCTV cameras so that those people ignoring the restrictions can be fined.

The idea is to restrict emissions to assist in combating 'climate change' and to pay for the building of more cycle paths.

FNN has learned that the park and rides dotted around the city will now be renamed 'Park and Pogo'. Buses will no longer transport people from the park and ride to the city center. Instead, banks of free-to-use pogo sticks will be made available so that users of the newly branded P&P facilities can pogo their way into and around the city, as pogoing (not to be confused with Sex Pistols-style live gig pogoing) is a particularly 'green' mode of transport.

Pogo stick manufacturing company shares bounced up on the news of the new Oxford Park and Pogo initiative on the basis that other towns and cities in the UK may follow suit. Pogo stick users will be encourages to use the empty cycle paths now available all over the UK to justify the cost and disruption that was the result of building them instead of widening the roads or switching to trams.