In the wake of a recent horrific acid attack in London, the UK Home Office has confirmed that it is adding a new tick box to the landing card presented to migrants who enter Britain via a channel crossing by boat or truck.

The new tick box asks:

Are you a convicted sex offender YES or NO?

Those who tick NO will be eligible for entry as indeed will those who tick YES.

A spokesperson explained:

We can't prevent migrants entering the UK based on them having criminal records.

That would be discrimination and in violation of our Diversity, Equity and Inclusion agenda much praised by Albanian people traffickers and workplace slavery advocates.

Instead, we welcome everyone to the UK to add their own unique mayhem to the culture of our proud migration nation.