Following the news that AI-enabled voice recognition technology can diagnose Parkinsons disease and tell you if you have COVID, Amazon is updating its Alexa devices to reflect these cutting-edge scientific breakthroughs.

Now, when you ask Alexa a popular question like: Alexa! Where can I buy some bubble and squeak? Alexa will monitor patterns in your voice to diagnose potential medical conditions such as bad breath (halitosis) or venereal disease (sexus toomuchus).

This medical diagnosis capability is only available to Alexa owners who are also Prime members.

The Ts and Cs of the new capability include your agreeing to be bombarded with recommendations of pharmaceutical products you can buy or subscribe to and referrals to medical specialists who can help you with your condition. So for example if Alexa determines that you have uncontrollable flatulence disease (UFD) it can refer you to a local proctologist or supply you with a bung.