Leading people smugglers of migrants crossing illegally into the UK have condemned the state of British beaches saying that they pose a health hazard to their clients. This results from the increased sewage ending up on beaches resulting from heavy summer rains overwhelming the UK's Victorian sewage system.

A spokesperson for Son-Gat People Trafficking Ltd. told FNN:

These UK beaches are truly disgusting and many of our clients are complaining about the sights and smells when they land on British shores from our cross-channel cruise ships. After all, who wants to arrive at their asylum hotel smelling of poo?

This is negatively impacting our business and the British Government needs to get a grip. Our clients already take many risks to get to the UK and now they have to deal with yet another one!

We are also concerned that our clients could contract cholera or other horrific diseases from contact with human waste, just like what happened in Haiti as a result of sewage leaks from a UN base into the local water supply.

EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen commented:

The UK's post-Brexit waste is truly awful as it contains the remains of their non-EU regulated pork pies and ham sandwiches that we block from entry at our border crossings. Here in the EU, we transport all our waste to China so they can deal with it. I believe they feed it to bats. Vorsprung durch Teknik!