Now that Brexit is done, the UK is to press its claim for reparations from France to pay for what was done to Anglo-Saxon England by the Normans.

It is well documented that the Norman invasion led by William the Conqueror resulted in the enslavement and murder of thousands of the indigenous Anglo-Saxons, especially as a result of William's "harrying of the North" when Normans laid waste to the land and reduced its people to a life of starvation, serfdom and misery in the area now known as Yorkshire. 

England and Wales are still littered with hateful examples of Norman oppression, not just in the form of castles all over the place but also in the adoption of French words into the English language including the awful "N-Word" (i.e. Norman).

We also know that Saxon rebels like Robin Hood and Hereward the Wake were mercilessly hunted down through the forests and marshes of England and killed like animals by their Norman overlords. Some rebels were hung from trees in order to discourage the others.

Luckily, the Domesday Book, compiled by William's tax collectors, tells us exactly what everything was worth in 1086-87. So it should be easy to work out how much the reparations should amount to - with compound interest - after almost a thousand years of Norman French oppression.

The UK is also expected to raise claims against Scandinavia for the depredations of the Vikings and Italy for all the roads, walls and other useful stuff left behind by Imperial Rome during their colonial rule.

EU spokesperson, Ursula von Richthofen was unimpressed:

The Brits can get stuffed. Reparations. I should coco!