Following the highly controversial Eurovision Song Contest 2024, the organizers have announced that the contest will be revamped for 2025.

A spokesperson explained:

After various issues at the 2024 contest we have decided that music will be removed from the song contest altogether.

It's obvious that no-one is interested in the music anymore so the contest will now be used to allow people to dress up and make political statements instead.

Each participating country will be allowed up to 5 minutes to make a political statement, preferably while dancing, dressed in the most outrageous costumes they can create.

Voters will also be required to confirm that they are not straight white males before they can vote as their votes don't count.

The contest will be renamed the Euroreferenda Contest to reflect its new political focus.

Former Eurovision winner Bill "Sydney Calling" Heslop (winning with Waltzing Matilda - 1946) commented:

Eurovision is a f**kin travesty and I give it nul point. That's zero to you pommie bastards.

And Captain Nemo needs to go back to his Mysterious Island.

Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.