As President Trump continues to threaten Chicago with federal troops he has warned Chicago that he loves the smell of deportations in the morning.

Presumably the troops will go in on choppers to the soundtrack of Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.

FNN located Colonel Kurtz - who now looks ike Jabba the Hut - in his jungle hideaway somewhere on the Universal Studios lot - and he told us:

Trump is nothing but an errand boy. A grocery clerk.

He then bathed his bald head in a special caffeine-based hair tonic and continued:

The horror! The horror!

It was not clear if he meant Trump, Chicago or his obscene weight.

Trump is going into the heart of darkness and Chicago is going to be turned into a Wasteland - just like Detroit!

I did Airborne training at age 58 and it damn near wasted me!