A new US law that demands that all classified documents be stored in pine boxes is likely to be the final nail in the coffin for former President Trump.

The pine must be sourced from a plantation located near Little Rock Arkansas, owned by The Clinton Foundation.

A White House spokesperson told FNN:

Not only did Trump keep his classified documents in a Mar-a-Lago bathroom for reading while on the can - unlike President Biden who kept his classified documents in his garage and the trunk of his Corvette - but Trump stored the documents in ordinary cardboard moving boxes, which is now illegal and subject to a sentence of up to 20 years in a federal prison.

When asked why Trump is being indicted and Biden is not for the same offense, the spokesperson responded:

Trump knew where the documents were, but the President had forgotten where he left them. There's the rub!

A member of Trump's domestic staff also told FNN that the reason the boxes of papers were in the bathroom was due to the shortage of toilet paper during the COVID 'pandemic'. Apparently the former President enjoyed using top secret FBI and CIA documents as replacements for his normal 3-ply super soft wipes infused with Aloe Vera.