As the EU sanctions on Russia are proving to cause more problems in the EU than in Russia and support is wavering, the EU Commission has announced a new sanctions regime. Instead of applying the sanctions to Russia, they will be reversed and applied to the EU instead.

For example, Russia will be allowed back in to the SWIFT financial network to make transfers in but the EU will be cut-off from making transfers out. This will allow the laundering of Russian money in the EU to continue to make a contribution to the EU's GDP as previously.

London is also clamouring to be part of the new reversed sanctions regime as the city suffers from lack of inflow of Russian 'capital'.

A Russian spokesperson told FNN:

We are very worried about the impact of the new reverse sanctions regime here in Russia. We thought the EU would never figure this out but now they have we are preparing for tough times ahead as money flows out of Russia again, oil and gas supplies restart at bargain rates and Russian companies have to compete with all the Westerm brands that used to dominate the Moscow malls.

EU spokesperson Ursula von Richthofen commented:

The new sanctions on the EU will ensure that the minimal impact of the current sanctions regime on Russia is reversed and it is Russia, not the EU, that will face a winter of discontent. My Horse! My Horse! My Kingdom for a horse! Vorsprung durch Teknik!