The Swedish Ministry of Culture has announced that Swedes can "opt-out" of being Swedish since there is no such thing as a Swedish culture.

A culture ministry spokesperson, who is soon to become redundant, told us:

Sweden is one of the world's most tolerant societies. But as a result of being nice and allowing uncontrolled immigration, we Swedes have realised that, in reality, there is no such thing as Swedish culture and Swedes.

For example, we now know that we stole our meatballs from Turkey and our handsome fair-skinned men and gorgeous blonde women are actually black people from the Serengeti who have adapted to our lack of sunlight.

Our passion for salty liquorice is a legacy of our colonial past stealing from the Ethiopian salt flats and our Lutheran religion emerged from the brutality of the Islamophobic crusades.

Therefore we are now offering all Swedes the option to opt-out of so-called Swedish culture and being a Swede. 

FNN has learned that there are also rumours that those people who wish to remain Swedes can subscribe to a new "Wallander" service offered by a consortium of Swedish businesses including Electrolux, Husqvarna and Volvo.

For a subscription of just 10,000 krona per month, people who are fair-skinned and blonde or just like being Swedish can opt to remain part of traditional Swedish society and benefit from a subscription that also includes a set of domestic and outdoor appliances plus an electric car.

We would like to thank Pook, that foxy little pixie Tuva Novotny, for helping FNN to investigate this story.