Ed Miliband, the UK's is rumoured to be considering the introduction of a 'heat crime' into British law.
Following the success of the introduction of the concept of 'hate speech' in law, the new heat crime will punish anyone who:
- does not install an electric air conditioner
- continues to use a log-burner in winter
- allows the temperature in their 'smart metered' house to rise above 20 degrees
People convicted of heat crimes will have their power cut off and miss out on the winter fuel payment - if the UK government finally decides whether to pay it or not.
Meanwhile, people who are found not to have commited heat crimes will be awarded a 'Net Zero Hero' medal that looks a bit like the old Blue Peter badge.
Medal holders will be entitled to march through their towns on a new public holiday - Zero Day - named because nothing will get done on that day.