A new ship class - His Majesty's Barge (HMB) - has been announced with the first vessel to be moored off scenic Portland, Dorset to house over 500 migrants.

HMB Portland, not to be confused with the nearby His Majesty's Prison (HMP) Portland, will be moored in the calm and sunny waters off Portland Bill Dorset and is essentially a floating Travelodge consisting of rooms that look much like a bunch of shipping containers lashed together.

The barge includes a balcony for enjoying the view and the sunny weather. The town of Weymouth, one of the first tourist resorts in the UK and a favorite of George III, is located nearby. As is the famous Chesil Beach ironically comprised mainly of large pebbles, many of which also probably washed ashore from France.

A direct ferry service is planned from Son-Gat camp in France to the barge to join the channel island services already in operation from Weymouth. And once the migration crisis is over, HMB Portland is expected to become a tourist destination for 'virtue-signalling' hotel stays in the area under the catchy slogan 'Je suis un Migrant' (I am a Migrant) before becoming a floating wing of the prison.

Former Australian penal colonist Bill "Magwitch" Heslop commented:

HMB Portland reminds me of the hulks moored off the coast that used to house prisoners before they were transported to Australia to start a new life in the off-world colonies. Those were the days!