Recently published research from Japan has come to the startling conclusion that singing silently helps to prevent the spread of COVID. 

Normally when you sing, you release millions of disease-ridden microscopic droplets into the atmosphere. But when you sing silently, with your mouth closed and covered by a mask, the number of droplets generated reduces dramatically to help stop the spread of infection.

This multi-million pound research project could provide a key piece in the puzzle of how mankind can contain the COVID virus.

A foxy spokesperson for the Japanese research project, Yoshi Kamasutra, told us very quietly while giggling with her hand over her mouth:

We having been standing on shoulders of giants, which unfortunately has lead to many upskirt panty shots going on Internet.

But, we benefited from the conclusions of previous projects such as "one-hand clapping project", which was first to prove that clapping with one hand creates less noise pollution than clapping with two.

A spokesperson for Dame Shirley Basset told FNN:

You'll never get me and Sir Tom to sing silently. No sir. We'll never stop belting it out.

Anyway, it's the only way you can hear anything in a coal mine.

GOLDFINGAAAA!