As Julie Birchill has chronicled in The Spectator, weeping has become weaponised, not just by celebrities but all kinds of emotional-intelligence and empathy training graduates.

This has led to a number of new products being launched at the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show (CES), including:

• weepy-wipes, essentially Tena pads for your cleavage, to collect those tears that dribble down to spoil your decollage
• weepy-wipers that fit onto spectacles to act like windscreen wipers during an extended weeping session
• weep-weeps! That fit to the back of spectacles to spray individual fake tears onto your cheeks using a radio-controlled activator in your pocket

Australian hard man Bill "Battler" Heslop told FNN:

The only time real men ever weep is when someone kicks them in the nuts. Any other kind of blubbing is for poofters or Sheilas. Anyway, all it does is water down your beer. Which reminds me...Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.

EU spokesperson Ursula Von Richthofen commented:

Since Brexit, we have seen the legendary English stiff upper lip transformed into the wet wobbly lip, especially when they lose at penalties. So there's no chance of the British Empire making a comeback any time soon.

English officers used to be famous for leading from the front. Now they lead from behind a handkerchief.

Here in Germany, weeping was banned by a Fuhrer Befehl...sorry I mean an EU Directive. Vorsprung Durch Teknik!