Elon Musk arrived at newly acquired Twitter HQ with all the money ($44 billion) and the kitchen sink. The new Chief Twit has warned the muggle-wumps (i.e. Twitter employees) to remove all their facial hair or else.

Musk told FNN that the first new feature to be added to Twitter will be the Hugtight which is a virtual glue to anchor a specific tweet at the top of a feed and prevent it from ever being deleted.

More innovations to be introduced by the Chief Twit include:

• Giant skillywiggers in every conference room
• A glass eye on every desk that films employees every move
• Unwanted staff will be given the Shrinks

Employees are reported to be hoping that a roly-poly bird will fly in and rescue them.

The Mysterons were unavailable for comment.