FNN has learned that in preparation for former President Trump's impending incarceration on various spurious charges clearly intended to keep him out of the way during the 2024 US election, the Trump organization has purchased a derelict property in the San Francisco Bay to develop as a luxury penitentiary where he can stay in comfort.

A spokesperson explained:

Our new island-property has been out of use for many years but boasts stunning views of the city of San Francisco and the iconic Golden Gate bridge.

It is located miles from the dangerous downtown of the Democrat-controlled hobo city and can only be reached by boat or helicopter.

To help with the mental and physical health of inmates, the 6-star resort will include a range of premium facilities, including:

The Burt Lancaster Aviary - in memory of the birdman
The Hunter Biden Rehab Center - with its distinctive 'all white lines lead to the White House' logo
The Joe Biden Alzheimers Institute - lest we forget all those goofy gaffes
The Jeffrey Epstein Playroom - aka teens for tycoons or #MeTooPlease
The Hillary Clinton Luxury Lock-Up - complete with private email server
The Kamala Comedy Club - where everything is a laugh

Our new resort of Mar-Al-Catraz will be the first luxury penitentiary in the world and the only one suitable for housing former Presidents, despots and drug barons.

We expect bookings from various former Presidents and Prime Ministers and we offer special rates for anyone convicted as a result of an ICC arrest warrant.