UK PM Sir Keir Starmer is proud to be announcing a new Universal theme park in the UK: Scotland!
Scotland is to be nationalised and place in the control of Universal Studios who will turn the whole country into a theme park following the re-location of the Scots in a massive operation known as 'the Highland Clearances'.
The park will include brand new attractions including:
- kilted guides dressed as haggises with google translate screens
- fried macaroon bar stands
- Iron-Bru dispensers everywhere
- A Trainspotters attraction
- Kenneth McKellar karaoke
The theme park is expected to earn £50 billion for the Scottish economy and create thousands of jobs for displaced crofters.
The Governor of Govan, Sir Rab C Nesbitt, told FNN:
All this theme park malarky is messin' wi' ma' heed.
Anyone for a bevy?