The World Health Organization (WHO) has recommended that the legacy term "poverty" is to be redefined as "social deprivation" so as to include many more people than were previously thought of as poor to include trapped in poverty by their social conditions.

No longer will poverty be defined by the grinding daily struggle for shelter, food and water as experienced by much of the "undeveloped" world and most of our ancestors.

Instead, people will be classed as "poor" or to be more correct, "socially deprived", if they suffer from the following deprivations:

  • have a non-LED flat screen TV of less than 60 inches
  • do not drive a top of the line SUV or do drive a Dacia Duster
  • limited access to cigarettes, alcohol and drugs at any age
  • no ability to buy weekly national lottery or scratchcards at least once a day
  • no bingo club within walking distance of their home
  • do not possess their own Facebook page or Twitter hashtag
  • have no Alexa, Apple or Google device controlling their homes
  • unable to upgrade to the latest smartphone at least every year

NGOs all around the world welcomed the news, confirming that this will mean lots more of them will be needed to help the expanded class of the socially deprived thus providing a job boost for the emerging, "socially-concerned" middle classes in developing countries around the world.

A spokesperson for the Department of Pensions and Social Security commented:

Poverty has always been problematic for those of us who are not poor.

Now we can move away from simply providing basic foodstuffs via a rising number of food banks around the country and expand the range of offerings available to the socially deprived from a new network of Social Deprivation Academies to be established on every high street.

Now we will be able to distribute essentials such as flatscreen TVs, smartphones, SUVs and so on to anyone who is currently deprived of these social necessities just because they are at the wrong "intersection" of society.

Theodore Dalrymple told FNN:

I have been warning for years that there are not enough poor people at the bottom of society and now my views have been vindicated.