The UK and France have announced that the Channel/la Manche is to be closed to regular shipping in order to avoid incidents with the increasing number of migrant boats traveling to cost-of-living crisis Britain from France. Instead, all non-migration shipping will be rerouted to travel up the West coast of the UK where the only obstacle it has to contend with is the odd ferry to Ireland.

A spokesperson for Son-Gat People Trafficking Ltd. welcomed the news:

Our clients can now look forward to a safer journey to the UK due to this sensible move on the part of the UK and French governments. Commercial shipping has always been a hazard to our operations and gets in the way of the lifeboats coming to pick people up and transport them to their asylum hotel. Now the crossing should be a lot more straightforward for our cargoes of able-bodied men fleeing French repression.

A spokesperson for the consortium of Cross Channel Ferry operators commented:

The trip from Dover to Calais will now take 3 days with stops in Belfast, Arbroath and Hull, where passengers can disembark and see the sights. This will be a revenue opportunity for us as the bars will be packed for 3 days instead of a couple of hours. Bonus!