There was mild hysteria in London as Boris Johnson returned to lend his support to the Conservative election campaign just hours before polling day and neatly timed to increase sales of his new blockbuster novel Unleashed - expected to outsell even J K Rowling's global bestseller, Harry Potter: Identity Crisis.

Originally unleashed from the playing fields of Eton and the drinking clubs of Oxford, Johnson will always be remembered for being the man who stormed the red wall left behind by that weapon of mass immigration (the Blair/Brown governments).

After delivering an oven-ready Turkey (BREXIT), Johnson went on to ignore the example of Sweden and use a new flu variant (COVID) to send the UK into a destructive lockdown that put the country into more debt, ruined the education of millions of children, cleared care homes of vulnerable old people, made a fortune for 'vaccine' and PPE suppliers and propelled the sale of alcopops for garden parties through the roof - aided by his right-hand man, Health secretary and all-round playboy, 'Bubbles' Hancock.

Now in decline, his reputation in ruins, Johnson's last act was to help derail the prospective peace talks for the Ukraine in 2022 before retiring to spend more time with the elephants in his back garden and visiting wallpaper suppliers.

But we won't miss him because he's back, lashing out at all and sundry - his former fag, Nigel Farage (a Kremlin crawler), woky-poky Sir Keir Starmer (a stunned mullet, way past his bedtime), appeasement Putinistas and parrots.

Unfortunately this latest example of blatant election interference is unlikely to result in any more votes for the Tories but Johnson did receive a message of encouragement from Joe Biden that said:

Good luck with the election Mr Yeltsin. Never bend to dictators. Remember...the USA is behind you.

Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more!