MSN reports:

The French government is all set to distribute a new 20-page survival guide to households nationwide, detailing steps to take in the event of crises such as armed conflicts, natural disasters, industrial accidents, or nuclear leaks.

The new manual is entitled 'Surviving Macron' and focuses on how French people can protect themselves from his attempts to start WW3 by extending the French 'nuclear umbrella' across Europe.

The manual begins with a history lesson claiming that Napoleon's invasion of Russia in 1812 was really 'Russian disinformation' and it was in fact the Russians 'unprovoked' invasion of France and occupation of Paris in 1814 that he is trying to prevent.

The famous early infographic by Minard showing the gradual decimation of the French army during its retreat from Moscow is called a 'nonsensical doodle' and the manual warns that bloodthirsty Cossacks can be expected again on the streets of Paris anytime soon along with Russian troops bathing in the Seine.

The manual features many useful pieces of advice including stockpiling croissants and baguettes, buying Edith Piaf CDs and most importantly, not listening to a word Macron says.