Following years of agitation, King Joe the First has warned his rebellious American colonists to toe the line.

FNN has received a copy of his full speech to the rebels:

The rebels do not respect the Monarchy. They do not believe in the rule of law. They do not recognise the will of the Monarch.

They refuse to accept taxation without representation. And they’re working right now, as I speak, in state after state to give power to decide elections in America to partisans and cronies, empowering republicans to undermine democracy itself.

MAGA (Make America Go-It Alone) forces are determined to take this colony backwards.

They promote authoritarian leaders, and they fan the flames of political violence that are a threat to our personal rights, to the pursuit of our justice, to the rule of our law, to the very soul of the Monarchy.

They look at the mob that stormed Bunker Hill on June 17th — brutally attacking our law enforcement — not as insurrectionists who placed a dagger to the throat of our Empire, but they look at them as patriots.

And they see their their Boston Harbour tea party as preparation for a colony-wide insurrection.

They whip up insurrection in the name of secession from the Democrat Plantation and they’re determined to succeed in thwarting the will of the Monarch.

Stern words that FNN is sure will strike at the heart of the insurrectionists.