Following the broadcasting of a Netflix documentary, publication of a book called Spare about Harry and various Spotify podcasts, Meghan Enterprises and Harry (MEH) are threatening to sue.

A MEH spokesperson told FNN:

Meghan and Harry are very protective of their privacy and that of their (non-royal) family. A slew of recently published content, maliciously timed for Christmas consumption, has left them feeling violated and has led to unnecessary mental distress.

Cease and desist notices will be sent to anyone publishing content that involves so-called 'confessions' and 'intimacies' allegedly coming from the couple. But we would welcome an invite to 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' to follow in Matt Hancock's illustrious footsteps.

Australian royalist Bill "Duke" Heslop commented:

They're suffering mental distress? What about me having to hear about them all the time? Bring back Prince Phillip. He'd know how to handle this with some choice naval terms. Which reminds me, I'm off to the head. Hey Muriel! Fetch me a tinnie. I'm parched.