News that the UK's One-In, One-Out deportation flights are not actually taking place has prompted the government to announce a new immigration policy: One-In, Five-Stay.

[https://www.independent.co.uk/bulletin/news/migrant-asylum-seeker-one-in-one-out-flight-b2827136.html]

Immigrants booked on recent Air France return flights turned out to be 'no-shows' and probably on non-refundable tickets, unless they were flying business class.

A spokesperson explained:

The new policy reflects the reality of dealing with the legal challenges to immigrant deportations.

Obviously we can't even get one migrant out for every one migrant in, so we have decided that for every one migrant allowed into the UK, five immigrants already in the country will be allowed to stay.

This will soon mean that all immigrants in the UK will be allowed to stay, since a record number are coming in, and solves the immigration problem without the need for expensive deporation flights and the costs of fighting legal challenges.

Bonus!