Greta Thunderberg, Swedish webcam sensation and Lutheran Minister, has refused to preach at the climate change COP26 summit to be held in Glasgow, the former European City of Culture.

The conference, to be held at the Craiglang Convention Centre (just up the road from the Clansman pub), is the headline event of the year for the world of climate change activists. We asked a spokesperson to comment on this surprising decision and she told us:

Greta cannot in all conscience come to the Glasgow conference where attendees will experience fine wine and dining while the rest of Scotland lives on a subsistence diet of pie and beans, sweeties and Iron Bru. This glaring inequality of diet is not something she supports. Especially as the resulting methane gas is a major contributor to Scotland's CO2 emissions.

Greta's decision will be a major blow to UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson who had hoped that Greta's attendance would draw attention away from all the problems he is facing in keeping the UK union intact in the face of the move for Scottish independence, renewed rioting in Northern Ireland and Wales winning the Six Nations rugby competition.