The news that Deutsche Bahn trains are only on-time within 6 minutes for 65% of journeys puts them behind the UK's Network Rail and way behind Japan Railways 99% record.

Japan Railways also have some interesting 'under-the-counter' fares that most tourists are not aware of:

• the 'upskirt' fare which offers a 50% reduction if you upload a picture of your panties when buying a ticket online
  
  
• the premium 'love compartment' fare that allows you to rent a sleeper compartment by the hour complete with 'erotic' massage
  
  
• the 'companion' fare where for 50% extra you can rent a certified safe companion to sit silently in the seat next to you and not slurp noodles or drink whisky
  
  
• the 'single ladies' fare that for double the normal fare rents you a temporary boyfriend/partner for your trip who will laugh at your jokes, listen intently to what you say and take endless selfies of you and your luggage without complaint

No wonder Japan Railways is so popular and profitable!

Network Rail could learn a thing or two as it only offers sausage rolls and sometimes a seat, if you are lucky.

But anyone finding cocaine on a UK train is regularly encouraged by a taped announcement to See it. Sniff it. Snort it!